I think it’s time I go talk to a doctor about being bi-polar. I didn’t want to admit that that may be a possibility, one more added on top of a pile of other brain problems, but I’m starting to think it may be serious.
I go through these phases of doing nothing, just no ability to do anything, barely maintaining myself. Then, I fly into a frenzy, all these ideas popping into my head that I just have to try and then I get angry with myself when I just can’t do them for one reason or another.
Being a bit more aware of my brain, thanks to having the thyroid almost fully under control a year later, has made me realize, too, that with these phases of manic, my depression doesn’t go away, it just makes it hard to actually do what I want.
On top of that, these phases see a drastic up-tick in my want to hurt myself. Whether it’s because I want to do all of these things and just can’t, or whether it’s because I have motivation again, I don’t know. I’m just spending my days right now wrestling with bouts of omg I want to make this and this and how about this?! coupled with I should take these scissors and jam them into my shoulder, ya!!
But, as always, making something is a coping mechanism. And lately, I’ve been trying to control that in a less dramatic, more small and focused way. Also, I don’t want to spend any more money than I need to, instead, try to use what I have. So, an idea I’ve had bouncing around in my head since I saw some cute pins at the store finally got put into action!
My little snow bunnies, which I hope you’ve seen in my paintings and stuff, especially if you got a New Year’s card from me, were the first easy choice to make. Because I love them. And because bunnies!
They’re small, only about 1cm high (~⅓ inch) at the most. Made from paraban (パラバン), a shrinking plastic that is the spiritual successor to Shrinky-Dinks, but so much more versatile. The drawings are inked on, and colored with Prismacolor pencils, which seem to work the best because they are soft lead, and then toasted to shrink down!
Once they’re coated in resin, they become much more durable – if they’re not covered, the maker and coloring can easily wipe off. Attached to some pins, and they’re perfect for use for quilting!
I have a couple other designs ready to go (koi-no-bori flags, ice cream cats, and bird lumps!), and I’m thinking of making set of them for sale. Either that, or making earrings out of them, because they’re the perfect size for those, too. Who knows? I just have to make, it’s like an imperative.
I should really do dishes and laundry instead, though. The house is looking pretty bad. Eh, 明日は明日ですね？(a Japanese saying I’ve taken to heart, “Tomorrow is tomorrow,” right?)
