Sam in Japan

So, I realized. I started this blog for me. Not for business, not for selling things, just for me. Every night lately, I’ve laid awake and thought about that fact, and vow to rectify it.

I’ll write a longer post about my recent health issues, but suffice to say, what was plaguing me for years – literally years – has been identified as hyperthyroidism from Graves Disease. Which is awesome to have a diagnosis.

What is even cooler is having one of the best endocrinologists in the world a couple hour train ride away, in Kyushu none the less.

Coffee, sandwich, and bullet journal while waiting for results in Beppu. I should probably post some of my bullet journal layouts, cuz I’m enjoying it to no end.

I started a regimen of drugs about 3 weeks ago, after seeing a neurologist and having an MRI done, to make sure the shaking – which had become so bad I had a hard time drinking, and my whole body would hurt the next day if the tremors got too bad – wasn’t something in my brain. She ran a crap load of blood tests, I think 6 vials? That’s where it was initially found. Referral a few days later, and then I started taking drugs that changed my life.

Two weeks later, I went back, and it turns out, the drugs that stopped me from shaking and actually let me do things were hell on my liver, which is why I felt like throwing up all the time. So they got cut down. Now, the shaking is back, although not too bad. I have to wait almost a month to go back and get them readjusted, and I don’t know how I’m going to live knowing what it feels like to be free of this.

But I’ll gaman, because that’s what you do, right?

The down side, however, is a big one. That’s adding another $150 or so a month to my already almost $100 drugs for my brain issues. The train ride (locals, not even express) from Saiki to Beppu is like $40 itself :\ I think I’m going to have to cancel my cellphone and see if that puts a dent in it; I rarely go out anyways, and if I do I can read or something. But I get to go to Beppu once a month, so that’s awesome! I have a deep love of onsen (hotsprings), and haven’t really been to many in Beppu, the onsen capital of Japan on my doorstep (figuratively, again, 2 hours on a train…) Next month, I’m going to Takegawara Onsen if it kills me.

I’m not one to complain online about money problems; indeed, people who constantly do it really, really annoy me. So that’s that. We’re surviving, and I’m hoping that now that I’m selling on Etsy as well, things might pick up. Got some nice pictures of the laptop bags in action, too, so hopefully I’ll get those up soon.

It’s just a little rough patch, I keep telling myself.

Tomorrow, off to the brain doctor for a refill on my antidepressants. Luckily, I get to tell him that all the fluctuating up and down, which he thought was indicative of bi-polar, was probably a side effect of the hyperthyroidism. I’m back to the slow climb from despair to okay, although I am still suffering self-esteem issues to the extreme. But I doubt those will ever go away.

I’ve started counting calories in an attempt to not hate myself so much; not making much of an impact, but I guess just being a bit more conscious about what I’m eating is good. If I could figure out how much the bento I eat for dinner once a week or so was, that would help! But, seriously. Bentos are the best thing in the world.

Sewing has been fun lately, which is a surprise. Before, I was just doing it to keep busy, to have something to do with my hands, since they were shaking too bad to embroider. Next on the doctor list is to see if I can get my tonsils removed, and my hand looked at for carpal tunnel or whatever. Embroidery is hard; I’m hoping by the winter it’ll be better. Been doing a lot of stretches with it to try to help, and it’s hurting less and less, unless I use it too much.

Speaking of winter, we’re finally cooling off here! For the first time since June or so, I have the house open for more than an hour or so in the morning or evening. It’s cooling off, staying in the 80’s for the most part, and the humidity is down, which is a godsend. Seriously, summers here are even more brutal than Nakatsu was, which is funny, since it’s just a few hours’ drive away, on the same island.

We’re on the same latitude as Tijuana, Mexico, or apparently Dallas, Texas. Kind of interesting.

I’m going to keep working on making things, and hopefully eventually they’ll sell. But if not, it’s great that my husband is really supportive during this time, and doesn’t make me feel terrible for being unable to do a lot of things.

I’m also going to make a point of writing here, it’s kind of cathartic. If no one reads it, that’s fine by me, I just want to get some stuff out into the aether. One day, I’ll write about everything with the thyroid thing, on the off chance that someone else is having the same symptoms but they don’t match the standard diagnostic criteria so doctors don’t check. But that’s another time.

Have a good day, everyone!