That sounds like it must be something super dramatic, right?
In my case, though, it really isn’t. I never really thought of consumer tech as being something more than an added convenience, even though my life is kinda all about that. Cell phones are convenient and fun, and can certainly be really important, but I never felt that way about anything outside of a computer with internet access.
Until now.
I am sitting outside on my porch, having a cigarette (another bad habit I picked up in Japan, along with constantly bowing and a love of dried fish flakes) watching the rain. A few weeks ago, though, I finally was able to justify the expense of what I assumed would be a fun, new toy – a new iPad.
So silly, an iPad.
I’ve already had them in the last, but this time, I was able to get an iPad Pro, the one with the processing power and a neat, new pencil. I thought it would be neat for jotting notes and maybe doing some rough sketches on.
And it has, for lack of a better word, changed my life.
You see, my depression has been coming back fierce; I’m on some really heavy medication that keeps getting increased just to give me the strength to get out of bed some days. But, this silly little piece of technology, has given me a new lease. I still have those really bad days as often as not, but this has changed everything.
I am doing art again. A lot of art. Like, it’s crazy how much I have been doing on this, and how it has impacted my life as a whole. I feel creative again, and not just sometimes. I can force myself to draw even a bit on bad days, and for those minutes, I forget everything and focus down on it.
I’ve always had things like a Wacom tablet for my computer, because they are so handy. But I’ve never quite gotten the knack of them. I’d get so angry and frustrated, because it just would never work like a piece of paper would. I’d get even more depressed seeing what amazing things people could make with them, but it just never clicked for me. So I’d just give up, or stop, or just use it for little things when I could bother to work up the energy to do it, which most days was impossible.
This silly thing has helped me have ideas and get them down. It’s helped me re-find that spark. It’s on par with, when my mother taught me to sew and it “clicked” and became my everything some 20 years (!) ago.
I feel like I can handle the day, no matter how bad it is. No matter what I’m hearing or feeling I can do something with myself. I’m finding myself again.
It lets me draw like I do on paper. I’m odd in that when I write or draw, I set the paper at a really weird angle, perpendicular to my body. I can spin the page around to get a natural feel for how I would draw on paper, something that a tablet never let me do easily. Zoom in and out, mix colors like paint.
I think so far I’ve spent about $50 on various apps, and I use them all. I am learning a bit about 3D sculpting now, something I’ve always wanted to try but never had the ability to grasp easily. I’m coloring things I’ve just sketched out ages ago, trying to find my next project. I have a drive again.
So this silly machine that is costing me $40 a month (I have the cell service one since I cut my cellphone to pay for it) is giving me as much of a change in my outlook as my $100 of medication. It’s insane to me, and I am so thankful that something so little, so accessible, is helping me cope in ways I could never have guessed.
As a creative person, finding an outlet that lets you work and grow can be difficult, but it’s even making me want to start sewing and crafting and jewelry making again. I guess it was one part of my life that had been neglected in the “I’m unable to get out of bed” depression that has gripped me for ages. A new lease on life. My life.
Expect to see random art here. I’m trying to now get back into the swing of living, of creating. Because that is living for me.
So far, my current projects are
- Final Fantasy 14 job crystals
- A new D&D adventure, map and all
- Illustrations for teaching phonics to little kids, which may actually be put into a book
- Worksheets for practicing letter writing and activities
- Multiple series of cute characters for stickers I’ve been sketching for ages
- Things to print and put under resin for jewelry, most of it nerdy inspired
And that’s just in a few weeks.
